What's Cooking?
Cooking? With the Junkyard Warrior? Are you kidding me???!!!!
Ah yes, I can remember it like it was yesterday. It all began once upon a time (ugh! Here we go again! Another story!) while I was working at Sears… Early one morning Pam asked me to make coffee… once. Thus began my experience in the culinary arts… one disaster after another… well not really. But it was truly an experience for those who attempted to drink the coffee.
“That’s… cough! Good… cough! Coffee! (Gag!)" Chuck one of the technicians told me.
He’d apparently tried to cut it fifty-fifty with water. Yep he was one of those diehard coffee drinkers. How was he to know he needed to dilute it five to one? Here’s how it went.
Pam asked, “Ryan, would you go up to the break room and make a pot of coffee for the techs?”
“I’ve never made coffee before,” I protested. I didn't drink coffee and was clueless as to its construction.
“It’s easy, just put five of those little scoops in the filter, pour a pot of water in the back, set the filter and pot in place and turn it on. You’re a big boy, you can do it! I have the utmost confidence in your abilities to follow instructions!” she coached.
“Sounds simple enough, I guess I could do that.”
“Great! I’m really busy here and can't get up there for a while. It’ll really help me out!” she smiled.
So… armed with this newly acquired confidence of coffee maker extraordinaire… I was off to complete my task.
“Your assignment should you choose to accept it (hey wait a minute! You mean I could decline this honor?). Actually… NO! You can't decline this honor, much to the horror of your fellow workers.”
Anyway… I did as instructed. There it sat… that vile creation of bean emulsification and caffeine ingestion system.
“Your not going defeated me!” I said waving a spoon threateningly in its direction. “I challenge you to a duel! Ha! Ha! You’ve met your match now!”
Perhaps… I was just a little… over confident. Surprisingly it didn't resist my taking the helm and commanding its compliance. I might have known it was a devious cunning little creature; its smirk should have raised all kinds of warning flags.
How was I to know, someone (whom shall remain nameless, partly because I haven’t a clue who did it,) had opened a new can of coffee and placed a new scoop in the can. Unfortunately the scoop was five times bigger than the thimble sized one previously mentioned. Yes… that really happened!
When I came up to the break room a short time later, the usually jovial technicians were for some strange reason… very quiet. Eyes glazed over and possibly slightly incoherent.
Jim was still wheezing and trying to extract what was left of his spoon from his cup. This was an interesting feat since the bottom of the cup had been eaten away.
Chuck still had a serious pucker some hours later. Troy, well Troy stuck his spoon in and tried to stir it. It bent into a ninety degree angle. When he released it the vibrations set up a resonance that shattered the window.
Carol stood near the wall when I came in and placed both fore fingers in a cross fashion and said “Back! Back!”
Needless to say, even though I told them I was only following instructions, they shot the messenger. No they really didn't like the message. However after my Commander and Chief AKA “Pam” viewed the “little scoop” I was exonerated and given my first lesson in the art of “coffee making.”
Strange, they never let me have a chance to prove my new skills. I really don't know why. I guess I must chalk it up to “one of life’s more embarrassing moments,” of which there are many. But that’s all I’m going to tell you!
With this in mind I hope you enjoy these recipes. Believe it or not, many are actually quite good. If you’ve read my books you will find some of these recipes in the stories and it’s so noted on the card which book it appears in.
So roll up your sleeves, get out the ingredients and don't forget to prepare your ovens! Because placing a cold dish into a hot oven that isn't prepared could spell disaster. You know how they scream and jump away. It could even run out the door scattering your hard work all over the kitchen floor. Or worse yet, it could even toss it into the air. This could pose a problem if you have a ceiling fan running at the time. Remember Kim, Cindy and Darcy in “The Phoenix Chronicles?” I rest my case.
I use this technique: “Oven! I’ve got a cold dish and will be placing it inside you! So be warned!” Does it work? It hasn’t failed me yet.
I can't remember
where I found these recipes, but they're some of my favorites...
so enjoy!
SHhhh! Its top Secret! (lots of stuff you've heard of but didn't know how to make.)
Some of my favorite rice recipes:
Some more very good recopies...
When I’m needing a utensil or a kitchen device, I’ve found this link quite useful and cost effective.
You might want to check them out. I love their selection and prices!